I put in a pretty dismal performance at my local wine store’s blind tasting last week. Out of eight mystery syrahs from the northern Rhône, my second favorite was the group’s second least favorite. Then my almost-most-disliked was the winner. It wasn’t just a case of to-each-her-own; it was as if I was wearing my taste buds backwards.
The evening was spared by Russ, my table-mate. Russ says he’s a regular attendee and indeed no seams showed on his palate. He complained of the the group’s least favorite (Bernard Burgaud’s 2004 Côte Rôtie, $60, my third favorite — doh!), “no punch.” Of the winner (Michel and Stephane Ogier’s Côte Rôtie of the same vintage, $73), he said, “loved the pepper.”

For details on the surprise take-away of the evening, click here: More

When people say “wine geek,” usually they mean it metaphorically. But sometimes the parallels between the pimply, C++ quoting nerd and the red-nosed, Frenchified wine snob are all too real. Here are nine gifts that will satisfy that special person on your list whose love of wine has taken on a certain cultish, slightly weird connotation.

Periodic Table of Wine
Poster-sized Chart of Grape Varieties ($35.00)
True wine geeks can look at this poster, which can decorate perfectly her kitchen or wine cellar, and say, “Did you know that Zinfandel is really crljenak kastelanski, an obscure Croatian grape traced by Dr. Carole Meredith, a professor and geneticist at the University of California at Davis?

PDA Cellar Database
“WineMaster” for Palm OS, from Poohbah Industries ($19.95)
In the case of the really hopeless collector, this gift will allow him to answer anywhere the question: “how many bottles of 2000 Bordeaux do you have in your cellar?” The engineer behind this handy app has kindly offered Wine Girl’s readers a 20% discount (type CPN1528992426 for the coupon on the Personal Information page during checkout at the Poohbah web store. This coupon expires December 31). Plus you can get a great-loooking gift certificate by emailing him at grand@poohbah.com.

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1. Girl’s Legs Wine Bottle Stopper, $24.95

It’s a Playmate, In Your Chardonnay

I’ve never liked those vodka ads with hot models lounging in martini glasses. This subtext to this tchotchke devolves in the same downward ideological direction, like: I was minding my own business, enjoying my grand cru, and this stripper appeared out of nowhere, dove headfirst into my bottle, and now she’s trapped!

WineGirl Hint: If the sexism of this gift bothers you, opt for animal cruelty with this alternative:

The Blitzen Reindeer Ornament, a toasted piece of roadkill can adorn your tree:

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2. Manly Port Bottle Tongs, $109
Since when was wine enthusiasm linked to sadomasochism? Apparently this tool is useful in the case of very old port, because the cork may have decayed to the point where you have to apply these tongs, which you’ve preheated in your fireplace, to sear off the entire neck of the bottle. The only real value to this instrument of torture may be for your next wine trivia game: it’s called “tenazes” in Portuguese. Click HERE for More More